Post by Lorelei Smith on Jul 19, 2011 13:51:26 GMT -5
I sighed and changed into my pajamas. My lavender silk pajamas were comforting, but not even them could ease what I felt.
Moonlight shone through the small window, shining a patch on me.
I laid in bed, thinking.
Hypnos. I hated him. I hated him for not doing anything. Who cares if the other gods didn't let him? What, was he afraid of losing his position or something? Surely family must've been worth that! If only he'd claimed me before...
But no, instead, he never said anything. He just left me and my mother to put up with life by ourselves. In a real family, the father would be caring and hard working and could put up with the annoying kid. Me. I'd never considered myself as annoying, but maybe it was true. My mother had never said anything about it. Hypnos never said anything. Because. He. Wasn't. There.
My fingers gripped the bedsheet so hard that my knuckles turned white.
If he had claimed me sooner, none of this would have happened. I would have gone to camp sooner.
But he didn't. I didn't even know that the gods were real until now.
If I had know before and had went to camp sooner, my mother might still be living. The monsters were targeting me, right? If I had left, then maybe...maybe my mother wouldn't have been killed by the chimera.
My thoughts darkened. An unnecessary death. I hate monsters.
But most of all, I hated Hypnos. I was ashamed to call him my father. He will never be my father. We would never have the bond a mortal father and daughter would have. I would never love him.
I thought about the time after soccer practice, when I was waiting for my mom to pick me up. The same day she was killed. The same day I was sent to camp. (Read her bio.)The same day my satyr was killed.
I thought about how I'd killed the monster then. I had killed it with my mind-no, I had killed it with my feelings. Anger, loss, pain...I had directed all those feelings into a scream. Then the monster had simply dropped to the floor, dead. I had no idea how that had happened.
Then I thought about another time...(http://halfgods.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=monsterforest&action=display&thread=875)
The time I had almost killed Katie. I almost couldn't resist the urge to stop from killing after I'd killed the monster. At the time, I had known what might have happened, but used my mental powers to kill the giant anyway. All for showing off. Was I a monster? I shifted in bed. I remembered the darkness I'd felt...how the red haze didn't fade completely when I wanted it to...
Even now, the darkness didn't fade completely. It got worse. That was my punishment for even using the power in the first place.
The darkness...sometimes, it was just too much...
I lifted my arm to see the long scars. Yes, I had cut myself. I had been hiding all this darkness under my fake cheerful personality. And I had almost believed it myself once, that the cheerful Lorelei was really me. It wasn't. Far from the real me.
Sometimes when the darkness got out of control, I'd needed to cut myself to bring my essence back into the world. I'd go insane when the darkness overwhelmed me.
An explosion went off inside my mind. I winced. I knew what this meant. Usually when this happened, it was when I was alone. But I wasn't lucky enough this time. I let out a bloodcurdling scream.
The darkness slowly took over. Memories of the day that my mom had died came clearly.
Usually, the memories were a blur. But when the darkness took over, they were unusually clear. The memories flashed back to me like broken glass. I only caught glimpses of the day, like I did everytime. It was all the usually scenes:
The awful scream...her mom's scream...
I wiggled around in my bed and closed my eyes tightly, but the scenes kept coming. Each only showed for a few seconds.
Her mother's blood covered face...
The darkness inside the chimera's mouth...though it was dark, I could see the fangs clearly outlined in red...
An eye...my mother's blue eye...but it wasn't...not completely...
There was a red ring around the blue...the black pupil shrunk while the red ring closed in...the blue and the black disappeared...her eye was completely white with one red dot in the middle...
I screamed again, the images kept coming. My scream split the silence of the night.
(Yes, I know. Weird. I think I'll make her emo...)
Moonlight shone through the small window, shining a patch on me.
I laid in bed, thinking.
Hypnos. I hated him. I hated him for not doing anything. Who cares if the other gods didn't let him? What, was he afraid of losing his position or something? Surely family must've been worth that! If only he'd claimed me before...
But no, instead, he never said anything. He just left me and my mother to put up with life by ourselves. In a real family, the father would be caring and hard working and could put up with the annoying kid. Me. I'd never considered myself as annoying, but maybe it was true. My mother had never said anything about it. Hypnos never said anything. Because. He. Wasn't. There.
My fingers gripped the bedsheet so hard that my knuckles turned white.
If he had claimed me sooner, none of this would have happened. I would have gone to camp sooner.
But he didn't. I didn't even know that the gods were real until now.
If I had know before and had went to camp sooner, my mother might still be living. The monsters were targeting me, right? If I had left, then maybe...maybe my mother wouldn't have been killed by the chimera.
My thoughts darkened. An unnecessary death. I hate monsters.
But most of all, I hated Hypnos. I was ashamed to call him my father. He will never be my father. We would never have the bond a mortal father and daughter would have. I would never love him.
I thought about the time after soccer practice, when I was waiting for my mom to pick me up. The same day she was killed. The same day I was sent to camp. (Read her bio.)The same day my satyr was killed.
I thought about how I'd killed the monster then. I had killed it with my mind-no, I had killed it with my feelings. Anger, loss, pain...I had directed all those feelings into a scream. Then the monster had simply dropped to the floor, dead. I had no idea how that had happened.
Then I thought about another time...(http://halfgods.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=monsterforest&action=display&thread=875)
The time I had almost killed Katie. I almost couldn't resist the urge to stop from killing after I'd killed the monster. At the time, I had known what might have happened, but used my mental powers to kill the giant anyway. All for showing off. Was I a monster? I shifted in bed. I remembered the darkness I'd felt...how the red haze didn't fade completely when I wanted it to...
Even now, the darkness didn't fade completely. It got worse. That was my punishment for even using the power in the first place.
The darkness...sometimes, it was just too much...
I lifted my arm to see the long scars. Yes, I had cut myself. I had been hiding all this darkness under my fake cheerful personality. And I had almost believed it myself once, that the cheerful Lorelei was really me. It wasn't. Far from the real me.
Sometimes when the darkness got out of control, I'd needed to cut myself to bring my essence back into the world. I'd go insane when the darkness overwhelmed me.
An explosion went off inside my mind. I winced. I knew what this meant. Usually when this happened, it was when I was alone. But I wasn't lucky enough this time. I let out a bloodcurdling scream.
The darkness slowly took over. Memories of the day that my mom had died came clearly.
Usually, the memories were a blur. But when the darkness took over, they were unusually clear. The memories flashed back to me like broken glass. I only caught glimpses of the day, like I did everytime. It was all the usually scenes:
The awful scream...her mom's scream...
I wiggled around in my bed and closed my eyes tightly, but the scenes kept coming. Each only showed for a few seconds.
Her mother's blood covered face...
The darkness inside the chimera's mouth...though it was dark, I could see the fangs clearly outlined in red...
An eye...my mother's blue eye...but it wasn't...not completely...
There was a red ring around the blue...the black pupil shrunk while the red ring closed in...the blue and the black disappeared...her eye was completely white with one red dot in the middle...
I screamed again, the images kept coming. My scream split the silence of the night.
(Yes, I know. Weird. I think I'll make her emo...)
